tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-42951080184058744002024-02-21T09:03:45.028-06:00Andrea Reed Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger112125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-16450209997857213372016-12-03T16:41:00.001-06:002016-12-03T16:41:28.686-06:00The Steele FamilyThis is the Steele family and they were <u>SO</u> much FUN to photograph! I've known Elizabeth, who is also a fabulous certified Doula and Childbirth Educator, for years now. I have photographed quite a few births with her. Elizabeth has been such a positive support to my photography career. She has answered MANY questions for me about becoming a Doula. Meeting their family was so much fun! They have lots of boys! Something I know NOTHING about! haha<br />
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They did have a girl though! So, she has a shopping partner to spend the day with!<br />
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I had so much fun photographing your family... such a beautiful and loving family. xoxo<br />
Enjoy your sneak peek!<br />
A<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-2944099594353505502016-12-02T13:46:00.002-06:002016-12-02T14:03:00.483-06:00[The Carter Family]<div class="_5pbx userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}" id="js_n" style="color: #1d2129; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 1.38;">
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I LOVE the Carter family. These are dear friends of ours and every year they get a family session. I've missed living right up the road from them. I was SO happy they came and we got to visit and have dinner after our session. They are all beautiful and are so natural in front of the camera. Natural models! Love and miss y'all xoxox Enjoy this Sneak Peek!</div>
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A</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-37751351111408174922016-11-12T23:06:00.000-06:002016-11-12T23:06:13.703-06:00Baby Eiland [Birth Photography - Mississippi Birth Photography]Hello lovelies!<br />
I have to tell you, THIS birth that I photographed this summer was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. It was Camille's first birth and she was a trooper. She was supported by her sweet husband, Lake, and her WONDERFUL Doula, Grace Greene (www.graceinbirthing.com). Camille's labor started that evening and went on through the night and she delivered that morning, on a beautiful sunny day. Camille amazed me. I swear y'all, she was in, what seemed like, transition for hours. With the support of her husband and awesome Doula, Grace, she took one contraction at a time and was able to focus on that alone. Her doctor was incredible too. She gave Camille a "pep-talk" at the end when she started self doubting (which she had been doing - another sign of transition- and her Doula coached her through each self doubting thought). Watching Camille's team of labor/birth support was inspiring. I truly felt honored to witness and capture such an amazing miracle. I love birth and I love babies!!! :D<br />
<br />
<br />
love love,<br />
Andrea<br />
<br />
**Permission was given to share these images.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-70968775985953130082016-11-12T23:04:00.001-06:002016-11-12T23:04:12.029-06:00Christmas Mini Session Information<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-29296385020437505672016-10-19T11:38:00.002-05:002016-10-19T11:38:46.733-05:00It's been TOO long!! Mini-Sessions are BACK!Hello lovelies,<br />
<br />
Well, after a move and finishing our house, I am finally getting settled back into my photography business. It's been well over a year since I've posted anything on my [BLOG] - shame on me - and I have been itching to get back on here and to get back into a good routine. <br />
<br />
I have a lot of catching up to do with y'all and a TON of [BLOG] Sneak Peeks! I will get to that very soon, but first, I wanted to let all of you know, I am doing MINI-SESSIONS this Fall! Yipppeeeeeee! I have missed my Fall families. Call, text, or email for more information and to book your spot. I am taking very limited sessions right now (still unpacking and getting organized in our new home), so book ASAP!<br />
<br />
I will email any and all information about the Mini-Sessions if you're interested. Thank y'all for sticking around! I appreciate every one of you! LOVE and miss you all!!!!<br />
<br />
Love love,<br />
A<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-66092477486982672112015-03-31T12:09:00.000-05:002015-04-07T12:50:11.373-05:00Andrea Reed - Prints for SaleHello lovelies,<br />
I am posting images for sale in print. They are printed on high quality paper and coated with a Lustre Spray. I use a professional printing company for all of my prints. The prints are NOT mounted and DO NOT come in a frame. I will sign each one that is sold. <br />
<br />
I have been throwing around the idea of starting an ETSY store with my prints. I would like to get a feel, though, which prints are higher demand. <br />
<br />
The Print Prices are as follows:<br />
<br />
8x10 : $30<br />
10x10 : $35<br />
11x14 : $40<br />
<br />
If you have request for bigger sizes, those can be ordered. Anything above an 11x14 will need to be mounted to prevent tearing of the edges. <br />
<br />
Canvas Gallery Wraps are also available. <br />
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These are GREAT for wall decor in any room. They also make beautiful gifts! Please send an email to andrearosephoto@yahoo.com or call 601-408-1921 to place an order. <br />
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Thank you everyone for your business! More to come!<br />
xoxo,<br />
Andrea<br />
<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-92232648628849558792015-03-26T13:22:00.001-05:002015-03-26T13:26:11.039-05:00Jones FamilyHey lovelies!<br />
<br />
I photographed this family a couple of months ago. With so many births on the books, it took a while to post this sweet session!<br />
<br />
This family is one of the sweetest and laid back families I've ever known. These two boys are full of energy and are BOYS. They love to play outside and get dirty. But, they are so sweet to their little sisters. These two girls are so sweet. Josie is all about helping Momma out! She is the funniest little human I've ever seen... she reminds me a lot of my, also, 3 year old girl. <br />
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And Livi, oh my goodness. She is so content and all she does is eat, sleep and get sweet loving from her family. These babies are so loved... and it was so vivid while photographing them. These parents are so patient with their children and they LOVE watching them "be kids". <br />
<br />
Don't forget Jules! Their sweet Boxer. Oh my goodness, I fell in love with their dog during Amanda's home birth. She was so concerned about Amanda and was always close by. A man's best friend...<br />
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Thank you for choosing me to photograph your sweet family! It was an honor to witness and capture such a loving family. <br />
<br />
XOXO,<br />
Andrea<br />
<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-17807715810727330492015-02-17T17:03:00.001-06:002015-02-17T17:03:16.407-06:00BABY HERRHello lovelies!<br />
I seriously cannot get enough of this sweet baby girl with a HEAD FULL of hair! I love all of her little features and that hair. Oh. My. Goodness. !!! Pure Sweetness! Her momma did an amazing job laboring and birthing naturally. Go Susan! I just finished editing this sweet session and I just want to squeeeeeeeeeze those little cheeks! I do not have baby fever. Nope. But, I do LOVE babies! And capturing them coming into this world... I'm so lucky to be a part of that... and blessed...and thankful...<br />
<br />
xoxo<br />
Andrea<br />
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P.S. Look at those itty bitty toesies! Y'all know y'all talk in the crazy baby voice when you see an itty bitty baby! And that hair! love!<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-39884281850452146992015-02-10T11:06:00.001-06:002015-02-10T11:13:29.113-06:00Andrea Reed {Birth Stories}<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/FVDKLBd7HQ4" width="480"></iframe> <br />
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Here is my latest project! I have been in the "Birth Business" for a long time. I started out with NILMDTS, and still volunteer for that organization, but here lately, I wanted something that was joyous in other ways. So, if you know of anyone who would be interested in documenting the labor and birth of their precious baby, send them my way. This is always tastefully done. I have had requests to photograph "everything", if you know what I mean. And I'm okay with that too. I will only take 2 births a month, so book after 12- 15 weeks gestation, as soon as you know you want a birth photographer. This is a GREAT way to have dad there, family there, enjoying the moment and being "there", instead of behind a camera capturing your baby's first breath. Much love to you all! Bring on the babies! :D<br />
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xoxo<br />
andreaUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-73797818047196869532015-02-01T22:31:00.004-06:002015-02-01T22:32:33.748-06:00{Baby Herr} - January 2015Hello lovelies!<br />
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This sweet baby girl was ready and was not waiting on anyone. I had to drive from Magee to Meridian, which is not a bad drive... but when you're in a hurry, it feels like it takes FOREVER. As soon as I arrived to the house (where Susan was doing an AMAZING job of laboring naturally with her husband and doula, Elizabeth Steele), I got about 30 great shots and then it was time to go! We made a mad dash to the hospital and ran to Susan. S<br />
usan did incredible walking all the way to the delivery room, ready to push! I arrived to their home around 9:15 a.m. and baby girl, Caroline, was born around 9:55a.m.'ish. Whewww! It was fast! Susan was a trooper and amazed me with her strength and determination. <br />
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Birth is amazing... and photographing women in labor and giving birth has been one of the most fun, exciting, and biggest adrenaline rushes I've ever experienced. <br />
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Thank you for allowing me to tell the story of your baby's birth.<br />
Xoxo,<br />
Andrea<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-28333751526114841762015-02-01T22:07:00.001-06:002015-02-01T22:10:47.641-06:00{Baby Jones} New Years Eve baby!Here is a Sneak Peek of baby Livi's birth. Amanda, a doula herself decided a home/water birth was best for baby number FOUR. Amanda was so "in the zone" and did incredible! She had wonderful support from her husband, "Top Gun", doula's and a midwife. And let me tell y'all, Josie, was beyond amazing during her momma's labor. She wanted to help so much and did just that. It was so cool to see her 3 year old involved in this process and so at peace with it. Amanda hardly made a sound during her labor and water birth. It was quiet and peaceful. Definitely a "blissful birth"! I was so happy that she decided to claim New Year's Eve as her birthday! What a fun day to have a birthday! Thank you all for inviting me into your home to photograph this awesome labor and birth!<br />
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Xoxo,</div>
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Andrea</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-12228090344979650012015-02-01T21:54:00.003-06:002015-02-01T21:54:51.171-06:00{Baby Cerra} December 2014Well! I have definitely gotten behind on posting these amazing births I've been attending! Laura was absolutely amazing during her natural labor and birth. Not once did this strong woman ask for pain medication. She wanted a natural birth and she did it! With support from her wonderful husband and her doula, Elizabeth Steele (Hattiesburg Natural Birth), she rocked this labor and birth! Even smiling and talking in transition! Laura, you are a strong woman. You did it! Thank you for allowing me to capture this amazing birth. <br />
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Xoxo,<br />
Andrea<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-13690921102177210232014-11-09T14:50:00.002-06:002014-11-09T14:50:26.467-06:00{Willow} Sneak PeekHello all!<br />
I have to tell y'all- I've met the sweetest little girl, who has the coolest name ever, Willow. She is the much awaited daughter for Greg and Tracy Wamble, from Petal. Willow has a very special heart. And a very special spirit. I was contacted by a wonderful friend about Willow, who also told me the story of her special heart. She has overcome so many things in her young life. I look forward to capturing the awesome story of this brave little soul and her family. You can read more about Willow here: https://www.facebook.com/prayingforbabywillow <br />
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Thank you Wamble Family for allowing me into your home to capture your beautiful family! xoxo<br />
Andrea<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-68290539708890334232014-10-23T14:03:00.002-05:002014-10-23T14:09:24.559-05:00Welcome Baby Jackson! {Birth Photography}Hello All!<br />
I am so excited about this new chapter in my life! I am venturing into {Birth Photography}. I have 3, YES, THREE births already lined up to photograph! I am beyond excited. Birth has always been a passion of mine. I am a birth advocate! Mom, whether going natural or with epidural or c-section, deserves the birth she desires. I have photographed numerous births for friends, family, and of course, Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep. Venturing into {Birth Photography} is something that I've always wanted to do, but didn't know if my schedule could handle it. I am starting slow, but steady. <br />
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Below, is the birth of sweet baby boy, Jackson! I was honored to capture this ALL natural birth to 2nd time momma, Brittany. She has the most supportive husband, Ashley, who I actually knew in college. Our paths crossed again! The love that they have for each other was very apparent during Brittany's labor and birth. Ashley was there every step of the way. Brittany did AMAZING. It was the most peaceful birth I've ever witnessed... and the fastest. FOUR hours people. She was incredible. And so was her doula, Elizabeth Steele. Having a doula makes a huge difference if your experience, in my opinion and I don't know anyone who would disagree. Elizabeth was there every step of the way, also, for Brittany. She used awesome techniques with Brittany that helped her relax completely. It was amazing to capture this team of 'three' welcome baby boy, Jackson, into this world! Happy Birthday, Jackson! <br />
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love love love,<br />
Andrea ;D<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-91141002618056191672014-10-14T14:42:00.001-05:002014-10-14T14:42:27.811-05:00{Mini-Sessions 2014}<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Hello All!<br />It's been awhile and boy have I missed y'all! I am going to have two days available, November 8th & 9th, for Mini-Sessions. This will be a great way to have some awesome pictures for your families at Christmas {gifts} or to have hanging on your wall. Below are the details and I'm thinking these spots will go pretty fast, so book as soon as you have a chance. I will not add anymore times to these sessions. <br />More details to come soon! :D <br />love love!<br />Andrea</span><br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-12712437584317527152013-06-11T20:26:00.001-05:002013-06-11T20:26:33.672-05:00The Fabulous Carter Family {Sneak Peek}The Carter Family. The coolest family around. They chose me to photograph their sweet family, again. And I am so grateful for wonderful friends and how they stay true to themselves, even in front of the camera. It's hard to be yourself in front of a camera... but that's why I love photographing people. I like the challenge of trying to capture the actual personality of the subject. My job becomes so much easier when the subject feels totally comfortable in their own skin. <br />
I do have to say that the Carter family is one of the easiest families I've photographed. I just snap away while they're... well... being themselves. Thank you for choosing me to photograph your awesome family Amarilys and Denver! Love love love you guys!<br />
XOXO,<br />
Andrea<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-26908180190739474652012-10-07T10:45:00.003-05:002012-10-07T10:45:58.513-05:00Liv's 1 Year Old. Really?Hello Lovelies,<br />
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Am I really writing a birthday post for my ONE year old "baby"? How has twelve months passed so quickly? Liv is crawling. And cruising. And eating solid foods. And cut three teeth... with three more on the way... and many more after that.<br />
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Why does it seem like yesterday I gave birth to the most wonderful, sweetest and best smelling baby on earth? Yes, even with dried solid foods around her mouth and dirty hands, she still smells like Heaven to me.<br />
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Why does it seem like yesterday, I gave birth, snuggled skin to skin for what seemed eternity and then looked over an hour later and saw this?<br />
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Why does it have to go so fast? Liv was so perfect in every way. I do not take for granted a healthy, screaming, alive baby. Life is so precious. Your babies grow up so fast. </div>
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You blink: </div>
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And she is packing her car for college... </div>
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And bringing home that special one she fell head over heels in love with...</div>
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And you catch her daydreaming about her wedding...</div>
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And you help her pick her wedding dress...</div>
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And tuck that loose curl behind her ear as you let the tears fall as you gaze at her in her wedding veil...</div>
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And then...</div>
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you get to watch your little girl fall in love all over again with your precious grandchildren...</div>
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It goes by so fast...</div>
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And the sleepless nights, Post-partum Depression, dirty diapers, projectile vomiting, crying for no reason, sponge baths, the ability to hold her with one hand and the smell of baby lotion consume you entirely for months. And you don't realize it's worth it at the time, but as they get older, you start missing all of the newborn stuff.</div>
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Why does it have to go by so fast?</div>
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Liv smiling more and more made me realize she was growing up... fast.</div>
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The love you have for your children is amazing...</div>
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And the memories you get to watch your children make with their grandparents warms your heart... (The horse ride with Mimaw- every grandchild gets to do this with her)</div>
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I love snuggling with this baby girl...</div>
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And then it's here...</div>
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her 1st birthday...</div>
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She's 1.</div>
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ONE.</div>
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How did a year go by so fast...</div>
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I pray I didn't miss anything...</div>
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I pray that I indulge in every special moment of my children's lives...</div>
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Liv's 1st birthday portrait... or a few shots I should say...</div>
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Sparky took the girls to gymnastics and we had the entire</div>
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evening to ourselves. So, I grabbed my camera and her birthday outfit</div>
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and a bag full of Cheerios and headed to our lake.</div>
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It was beautiful and she was sleepy, </div>
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but I just sat back and watched her munch on </div>
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Cheerios and play with the grass and truly</div>
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indulge in this moment with her...</div>
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it was perfect.</div>
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Now, I'm going to go spend the day with my ONE year old daughter, Liv, along with my other girls and Sparky. :)))</div>
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XOXOXOXO</div>
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Andrea</div>
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-57781353361162410582012-07-09T11:14:00.003-05:002012-07-09T11:14:37.631-05:00{Hadley}<div style="text-align: center;">
I cannot get enough of</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this sweet girl.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She is my newest niece and as</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
sweet as apple pie!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Hadley is 6 months younger than Liv</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and yes,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
they will be best friends forever</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and awesome play buddies.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I've waited on this sweet little girl</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
forever.</div>
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<br /></div>
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And her parents,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
who are family... but I also consider</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
them BFF's, have also</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
waited for this little miracle</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
forever.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am so lucky to be able</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to capture her sweetness.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I loved every minute of capturing</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this family, how they are everyday with her:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
relaxed.</div>
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smiling.</div>
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laughing.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
in love.</div>
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exhausted.</div>
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joyful.</div>
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wrapped. completely. around. her. finger.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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I love you all...</div>
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hope to see you again, soon...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
xoxoxoxo,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Aunt Andrea</div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-43970865676302175892012-07-05T22:44:00.004-05:002014-11-09T14:51:59.783-06:00Golden Birthday<div style="text-align: center;">
Honestly, I would rather stare at this blank screen all day</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
than write about how our daughter, Adelynn, is not here</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to celebrate her<br />
<i><b>"Golden Birthday"</b></i>.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
But, as it is... I am writing...about her...about grief. I get so<br />
tired of grief but it seems to never get tired of me.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She would've been six tomorrow, our Adelynn Nicole.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>"6"</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
How is that even possible?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Tomorrow is July 6... and I dread that day every year.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Every. Single. Year.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am sitting at my computer procrastinating putting</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
up the July 4th party decorations.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I turn around and see balloons, table clothes, napkins,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and party plates. I don't mind celebrating our </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
country's birthday. But, I would rather be</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
celebrating our daughter's.<br />
<br />
Last year, on (<i>what would've been</i>) her 5th birthday I wrote<br />
a post on the blog. The other blog, actually. Adelynn's blog.<br />
And I never posted it. It was too hard to read after I wrote it.<br />
<br />
Adelynn should've started <i>Kindergarten</i> last year.<br />
And there is just something about milestones. <br />
Milestones are the little jabs in your heart and soul<br />
when you're trying to<br />
"get through"<br />
grief. <br />
<br />
And yet again,<br />
during, what should be a happy time, this milestone felt like<br />
a punch in the gut. A hard punch that knocks the breath<br />
out of you.<br />
<br />
I thought it would be best to try and move past the milestone<br />
of Kindergarten. <br />
I never posted the blog post. And I never will.<br />
It was ugly.<br />
<i>UUUUUUGLY</i>.<br />
<br />
I don't like death. I never have.<br />
I still don't understand death and I am in<br />
my early 30's. <br />
And trust me, in my 30 years I've seen a lot of death.<br />
Probably a lot more than people see in their lifetime.<br />
And a lot of the death I've seen has been with children/babies.<br />
Which is so <i>unfair.</i><br />
<br />
So, when I say the post was ugly...<i>it was ugly</i>. <br />
When I reread the post it seemed that death and I got<br />
into an ugly fight.<br />
I'm pretty sure we did.<br />
<br />
I thought it would be best to not post about Adelynn's 5th birthday.<br />
<br />
<i>I deleted it.</i><br />
<i>I couldn't read it again.</i><br />
<i>It's my choice. </i><br />
So, that's why you didn't see a post from me last year.<br />
And I'm pretty good about posting on Adelynn's birthday.<br />
It's usually a year of grief built up into one post.<br />
I warn you, sometimes it can get ugly.<br />
<br />
Most of the time on Adelynn's birthday, I try to keep<br />
myself busy. I usually come up with a flower arrangement or<br />
buy new wind chimes for her grave. I usually clean of her headstone<br />
because that's what I'm <i>"supposed"</i> to do.<br />
<br />
I really just want to pack up a sleeping bag tonight, take a<br />
flashlight with me and go park my ass on her grave. <br />
And sleep by her.<br />
And talk to her.<br />
And ask her,<i> "what's heaven like? Do you miss me?</i><br />
<i>Do you know me? Do you know you have sisters?"</i><br />
<br />
And yes, I'm fully aware that she cannot talk to me.<br />
And no, I do not hear her voice in my head.<br />
And<i> YES</i>, I still consider myself a Christian<br />
<i>EVEN THOUGH</i><br />
I believe you can<br />
feel, see and hear things that cannot be<br />
explained.<br />
Some say it's God, others say it's<br />
something else...<br />
I have my beliefs and am<br />
keeping them to myself.<br />
<br />
This year we had a July 4th cookout with family<br />
and friends.<br />
<b>It rocked.</b><br />
The party was filled with laughter,<br />
good food, kids playing, swimming,<br />
and fireworks.<br />
<br />
Ever since Adelynn died, there has been<br />
a <i>stigma</i> (in my head) around July 4th.<br />
If you know the story of Adelynn, you know why.<br />
It's just the countdown to Adelynn's birthday.<br />
And the day we had to let her go, etc...<br />
<br />
I can tell you play by play from the first of July until<br />
July 6th, when we lost Adelynn.<br />
<i>I remember things so well when grief takes</i><br />
<i>over.</i><br />
<br />
There does come a point when you have to say,<br />
<i>"I've got to pull it together so my children</i><br />
<i>can enjoy this holiday." </i><br />
<br />
That's exactly what I've done. <br />
I put my big girl pants on and I smile<br />
and I laugh and I <b>scream </b>with excitement (only<br />
when the fireworks are exploding too close for comfort).<br />
<br />
I love having people over to my house.<br />
I <i>love</i> entertaining. <br />
Yes, it is stressful, but it is a reminder<br />
to me of how many loved ones we<br />
have in our lives.<br />
In my girls' lives.<br />
<br />
I'm so thankful to <i>everyone</i><br />
who has made our holidays, birthdays,<br />
and "just because" visits so special.<br />
They are special because <i><b>YOU</b></i> are here with us,<br />
visiting, celebrating, etc...<br />
<br />
This year was probably the best July 4th<br />
we've had yet.<br />
Yes, I thought of Adelynn a lot.<br />
Yes, people asked me about her birthday coming up.<br />
Yes, I was constantly reminded of my pregnancy<br />
with her when we went to watch fireworks in Germantown, just<br />
two days before she was delivered...<br />
<i>lifeless,</i><br />
<i>not breathing,</i><br />
<i>silent.</i><br />
<br />
Adelynn <b>SHOULD</b> be here.<br />
There was no reason for her to go.<br />
No matter how you look at it,<br />
there is no justification, in my heart,<br />
to have to close a casket<br />
on my daughter...<br />
<b>OR</b><br />
any child for that matter.<br />
<br />
When I see other children that are her<br />
"should be" age, it's <i>veeeeery</i> bittersweet.<br />
I see a healthy six year old playing in the mud.<br />
I see Adelynn lying lifeless in my arms.<br />
I see a six year old playing coach pitch softball.<br />
I think of how our Adelynn never took a breath.<br />
I see a happy Kindergartener graduating K5 and then<br />
smiling and running to his/her parents.<br />
And I smile...<br />
<br />
I smile<br />
and I think of her...<br />
I see those parents<br />
(the <i>GOOD</i> parents)<br />
so in love with their child and it makes<br />
me happy.<br />
<br />
Yes, it's bittersweet...<br />
<i>grief won't let me have it one</i><br />
<i>way or the other.</i><br />
<br />
I will tell you this;<br />
today, <i>I wrote</i>...<br />
and <i>I cried</i>...<br />
and <i>I was upset</i>.<br />
<br />
And then I realized I have<br />
3,<br />
yes <b>THREE</b>,<br />
beautiful girls here with me.<br />
<br />
<b><i>Now. </i></b><br />
<br />
In the present.<br />
<br />
As I type this at night,<br />
my three beautiful girls are asleep<br />
in their beds. <br />
Well, my (<i>almost</i>) five year old<br />
has decided to bunk up with her<br />
older sister because<br />
she's not used to sleeping<br />
in her new 'big girl' room, alone.<br />
<br />
And I'm okay with throwing down<br />
a sleeping bag and pillow on the floor,<br />
next to her big sister's bed.<br />
Even if it means taking her back to<br />
the sleeping bag a few times because,<br />
<i>"I'm scared Momma. I'm not used to</i><br />
<i>it yet... in my own room... let me get</i><br />
<i>used to it one more night, 'k?"</i><br />
<br />
It's the little things, right?<br />
<br />
And for <i>NOW,</i><br />
they are <i>here</i>...<br />
with us...<br />
being kids...<br />
<br />
I don't get to hear Adelynn's laugh.<br />
Or her excitement.<br />
Or smell her morning breath.<br />
Or brush her hair (it's long and dark by the way).<br />
Or kiss her goodnight.<br />
<br />
<b>But...</b><br />
I <i>DO</i> get to:<br />
<i>hear laughter in my home from my children,</i><br />
<i>brush my girls' hair,</i><br />
<i>smell the sweet breath of a new baby,</i><br />
<i>kiss the scrapes on wounded knees,</i><br />
<i>give/receive the BEST hugs you could ever imagine,</i><br />
<i>watch a softball being hit for the first time,</i><br />
<i>see the excitement when 'Daddy and Momma' surprise</i><br />
<i>the girls with movie theater night,</i><br />
<i>mark the growing heights of my children,</i><br />
<i>be the "tickle monster, raaaaawwwrrrr",</i><br />
<i>make waffles with my girls...</i><br />
<i>and...</i><br />
<i>well...</i><br />
<i>my list could go on for an eternity.</i><br />
<br />
I get to be a mom.<br />
Even if that means my heart still<br />
aches for Adelynn.<br />
<br />
I am <i>STILL</i> her mother...<br />
and she would be right in the middle<br />
of our craziness here at the Reed house.<br />
<br />
<i>And she would be a perfect fit.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>Happy Golden Birthday</i><br />
my sweet Angel,<br />
Momma<br />
<br />
<br />
P.S. I have never posted the eulogy/writing from<br />
Adelynn's funeral.<br />
Below is something my brother in law,<br />
Brian Reed,<br />
wrote and I read it again today<br />
while going through Adelynn's box. <br />
Brian is one of the most<br />
talented writers I have ever read.<br />
It seems perfect to read again on her<br />
Golden Birthday.<br />
Thank you "Uncle Fuzzy" for this<br />
priceless gift.<br />
<br />
<i>When you all get home. And find yourself alone. You will hear the silence--the</i><br />
<i>final words of Adelynn. Our Adelynn.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>She won't grow up. She won't turn one, two, or three. Or learn to count--one, two, three.</i><br />
<i>We won't get cute snapshots attached to emails or construction paper cards signed with</i><br />
<i>X's and O's on our birthday or Christmas. She won't fight with her sister over baby dolls, bathroom time, or whose turn it is to use the telephone, again. she won't graduate from high school or college--3.9 grade point average by the way--she made a "B" in Algebra. But who really understands algebra anyway?</i><br />
<i>She won't get a phone call, on a rainy Thursday, about how the new baby girl, the one due just any day now, was found lifeless in the womb of her mother. No heartbeat.</i><br />
<i>She won't know this feeling. She won't go through what we go through right now--this horrible feeling, like playing musical chairs without any chairs. We walk in circles with no comfortable place to sit down...at least not yet. So let's keep walking and praying and crying. Maybe this pointless loss will start to fall somewhere within the realm of tolerable.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>Death, do not be proud of this one.</i><br />
<i>Go back to your wars in middle-eastern holy lands, where at least someone has a tiny chance of escape when staring into your dark, empty hood. You walk away with a useless prize because we still have her soul in the rich blood that courses through every part of our collective body. We are family. We are together. And we are strong. We made this child, and we will keep her, thank you very much. She's the first spring wildflower or the last leaf to fall.</i><br />
<i>She's the well-spoken word at just the right time.</i><br />
<i>She's the light that shines in Lila's apple pie eyes.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>And thank God for Lila Rose...</i><br />
<i>How much more difficult would this have been without her?</i><br />
<i>She carries a basket full of smiles wherever she goes, fast pitching them, slapping one right across your face when you come into the room. You'll grin like a monkey while she tells you about her new best friend. His name is Elmo.</i><br />
<i><br /></i><br />
<i>Adelynn will never meet ol' Elmo.</i><br />
<i>She won't take first steps or say first words. She will never have to say anything more than what she has already said. Her silence says it all. The most beautiful sound in the world, it is the voice of our Adelynn, our angel. An angel made so perfectly pure, even God could not let her go. She's with Him now... and with all the other babies that never got to take that first full gasp of fresh, clean air. They sleep, in peace, in that place we all came from. Remember that place? It was a nice, quiet place.</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-38692394511919728952012-04-25T11:43:00.002-05:002014-11-09T14:51:05.474-06:00The Quiet Giant {Postpartum Depression}<div style="text-align: center;">
There is something I would like to discuss. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's not pretty. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's not sweet.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's not uncommon.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Postpartum Depression.<br />
<br />
Over the past few months I've written<br />
here and there on this post, but never<br />
posted it. I wasn't ready but now I am.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I am doing this to bring awareness.<br />
And I'm using writing as a sort of therapy.<br />
Those of you who really know me, know<br />
that I LOVE to write. <br />
I am NOT a writer.<br />
I don't even know if my grammar is right<br />
half the time.<br />
It is therapy to me...<br />
Well, one of the MANY therapeutic things I do anyway. ha!<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This is the place where I can be honest about what</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Postpartum Depression is to ME and how<br />
it has affected my life...and maybe,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
just maybe,<br />
I can help give someone</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a voice for their battle against "The Quiet Giant".</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
If you've read my post below titled "Livia James Reed", </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
then you know I gave birth naturally. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I finally got the birth I <i>ALWAYS</i> wanted.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It was followed by such a high of: <i><b>unconditional</b></i> love and pride.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Yes, I was very proud of myself.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Everything was wonderful for a few weeks, despite</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
a horrible cold I got the day I had Liv and a few</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"baby blue" days of crying, from being sleep deprived.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
On the other hand,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was sick with worry that I would have to have surgery just a few</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
weeks after having Liv. <i>MAJOR</i> surgery. The kind of surgery</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
that I would not wish on my worst enemy. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A Hemorrhoidectomy.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
If you don't know what surgery this is, google it.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It will make your skin crawl.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I started to panic about how I was going</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to breastfeed in recovery. How was I going to recover AND</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
continue to breastfeed while on major painkillers.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Trust me. After this kind of surgery, top of the line painkillers</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
will not take away the pain, from what I've heard.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I met with a General Surgeon and scheduled the surgery.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
With Michael (aka Sparky) driving and Liv and I in the back, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I called a good friend after scheduling<br />
the surgery and talked with her about what to expect.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I then cried the ENTIRE way to Magee from Jackson.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I told Sparky, there was no way I was having that surgery.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was scared to death.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I told him, I will go home and stay down the entire weekend</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and if my problem goes away, I will cancel the surgery.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And miraculously, I healed over the weekend.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Not completely, but to the point of <i>NOT</i> needing </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to have surgery.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
After that relief, I was able to really focus on Liv and breastfeeding.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Even though I was extremely sleep deprived, I thought things</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
were going great... </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
until...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
until I had my first major meltdown after getting</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my girls from school one day soon after.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
I shouldn't have been driving in the first place<br />
because of the problems I had as you read<br />
up above. It just made things so much worse<br />
with me emotionally because I was MAD that<br />
I 'felt' like I didn't have any help from my husband.<br />
Which wasn't the truth, he was/is a tremendous help.<br />
But, PPD can play mean tricks on you...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
On our way home from school, one of my girls</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
said, "my belly hurts, I feel sick..."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and that did it.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I went into a snowball of a panic attack</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
worried SICK about,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"Oh my God, they have the flu or a stomach bug and</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Liv will get it and have to go to the hospital</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and she could die from that. She's too little</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to get over anything that major!"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was crying hysterically by the time we pulled</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
in the garage. I remember being SO angry at my husband</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and others for him having to be at work</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and not at home helping me. I remember getting the girls</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
out of the car, taking Liv out of the car and telling</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
the girls, "go eat a snack, I need to feed Liv. Vada,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
do you feel okay? Or is your belly still hurting?"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"No, I feel okay now", she said.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Relief.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Sweet relief.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Then <b><i>BAM</i></b>!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Panic... more panic... and questions in my head... </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"WHY am I freaking out about something SO stupid?!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
What is WRONG with me?!"</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I didn't want them to see me crying. I wanted to retreat</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to my room (aka my safe haven) and completely</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
lose it there.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Here's the thing about PPD though... </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
usually when you start crying,<br />
it can be <i>hours</i> before you stop.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So, after my second panic attack </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and Liv falling asleep. I came out to the kitchen.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My girls saw my face and knew... and when I saw </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
their reaction, I lost it again.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
What was happening to me?!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have THREE beautiful, <i>healthy</i> girls!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I had the birth of my dreams.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We have a roof over our heads.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
We have food on the table.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I. Did. Not. Have. To. Bury. Another. Child.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
This is something that kept running through my</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
head. When you lose a child, you often</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
become SO thankful for the good and bad</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
with your child/children... even if they're sick and<br />
you're stressed to the max running around with<br />
vomit buckets and 104 fevers<br />
and coughs and the flu, et cetera.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>They're still here. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So, WHY am I crying? Why do I feel so alone?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Why do I feel hopeless? And angry? And why am</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I panicking?!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I went through panic attacks almost <i>daily</i>.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And crying spells, where I could sometimes NOT</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
catch my breath. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And I did it all <i>quietly</i>.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
For months.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
The only one who knew was my husband.<br />
This is why I call my PPD 'The Quiet Giant'.<br />
I suffered quietly with (what felt like) battling<br />
a big, ugly, mean GIANT.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
After that breakdown I had in front of my children,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I would take myself away if I felt another <i>'episode' </i>coming</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
on. I would always resort to my safe haven... my room.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
It was very hard hiding it. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Hiding it from family.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Hiding it from friends.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Hiding it from my children. </i><br />
<i>Hiding it during holidays.</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
But, on the flip side, I was very good<br />
at appearing like NOTHING was wrong.<br />
I was able to put on a happy face in certain<br />
situations and look as if,<br />
"everything is going great, even though I'm<br />
tired and adjusting, it's going GREAT! I couldn't<br />
be happier!" <br />
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry.<br />
Smile.<br />
Everyone is watching you.<br />
If they see you cry, they will KNOW<br />
something is wrong!<br />
Smile. Laugh.<br />
Don't cry.<br />
Don't breakdown.<br />
<br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
There were SO many days that it was just Liv and I at home.<br />
My other girls were at school.<br />
Let me add this also: I NEVER, EVER,<br />
EVER thought about hurting my child or<br />
any of my other children. <br />
<br />
You see, that is one of the many, many misconceptions<br />
about PPD. You can call it a 'stigma' if you want.<br />
A woman finally gives her 'quiet giant' a voice-<br />
"I think I have PPD and need help" and right away<br />
there is a panic from people (who don't really<br />
understand PPD or have NEVER been<br />
through it or know anyone that has<br />
suffered from this awful disorder).<br />
Those people usually respond like this:<br />
"Oh my God, are you going to hurt<br />
your children?! Are you going to hurt<br />
yourself?! We need to send you to<br />
a psychiatric ward!"<br />
<br />
I had/have Postpartum Depression<br />
NOT<br />
Postpartum Psychosis.<br />
<br />
There is a HUGE difference.<br />
Postpartum Psychosis is VERY rare...<br />
but it does occur. And thank you GOD,<br />
it did not occur with me.<br />
Andrea Yates, suffered from Postpartum<br />
Psychosis. And I am NOT giving an excuse<br />
for what she did to her children. That is unbearable<br />
to think about. I'm just stating the facts.<br />
<br />
Back to my 'Quiet Giant'...<br />
There were many days I would pick up the girls<br />
from school and automatically there<br />
was a sense of feeling completely<br />
and utterly overwhelmed. <br />
<br />
But honestly, it would start after Michael<br />
went to work. I was scared to be alone with Liv.<br />
NOT because I wanted to hurt her, but<br />
"'what if' I have a panic attack and<br />
she starts crying? 'What if' I get sick<br />
and can't take care of her? 'What if' when<br />
I'm getting groceries I suddenly panic and<br />
lose control in the grocery store in front of<br />
everyone and they want to take my baby<br />
away from me?!"<br />
<br />
So, I was crazy with anxiety<br />
just about ALL day, mostly everyday.<br />
When I picked my girls up from school, it<br />
would continue:<br />
1. I have to help Lila with her homework.<br />
2. I have to entertain Vada.<br />
3. I have to listen to Vada's violin lesson.<br />
4. I have to do some laundry.<br />
5. I have to pick up the toys in the living room.<br />
6. I have to have dinner ready soon.<br />
7. I have to get back to WORK! How in the hell<br />
can I even go back to work when I can't even keep<br />
my house organized or brush my teeth?!<br />
8. I have to feed Liv.<br />
"I have to, I have to, I have to!"<br />
<br />
This was taking a horrible toll on me.<br />
I couldn't do it anymore.<br />
<br />
There were MANY, many, many days Michael<br />
would come home from work and I would<br />
be in the rocking chair, crying.<br />
I was holding Liv and crying.<br />
Or, I was lying on the bed crying<br />
and sick to my stomach from panic attacks.<br />
<br />
Michael. My saving grace.<br />
This man took care of me like no one else.<br />
He loved me no matter how much I cried.<br />
He loved me when my teeth weren't brushed.<br />
He loved me when I was still in the SAME<br />
pajamas from that morning.<br />
He loved me when I would just resort to our room<br />
and lock myself in there and not speak to him...<br />
and just cry some more...<br />
<br />
Michael was/is so kind to me.<br />
And he was more patient with me<br />
during those dark days than he ever<br />
had been.<br />
<br />
<br />
He loved me unconditionally.<br />
And that's hard to find.<br />
He would sometimes make dinner for us.<br />
He would bath the girls NIGHTLY, no questions asked.<br />
He would get them ready for bed.<br />
He would do ALL of the dishes.<br />
He would read to the girls.<br />
Tell stories to them.<br />
And give night-night hugs and<br />
check for 'bed bugs'.<br />
<br />
The list can go on and on... <br />
<br />
And what mattered most to me is he<br />
never, ever looked at me like I had three heads<br />
growing out of my neck when I had a 'bad day'<br />
or panic attack. He would hug me and love<br />
me, no matter what.<br />
<br />
But, Michael was concerned. We both were<br />
and we both knew I needed help.<br />
<br />
Finally, it was time for one of my therapy sessions.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have seen a therapist for almost <i>four years</i> for</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
grief counseling after the loss of our daughter, Adelynn.<br />
In our first session (after having Liv), she</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
listened to me and then said,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"You have PPD".</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>I knew it.</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I have already been there, done that.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I had horrible PPD with Lila, my first.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And was <i>SO </i>ashamed about getting help, BUT</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
when I finally DID go to a therapist, HE</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
(yes, a man... a man who did NOT look up ONE time</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
from his file folder to speak TO me or listen TO me)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
said, "what you're feeling is totally <i>normal</i>, every</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
mom goes through what you're dealing with."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I did not go back.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I finally made myself go to another doctor,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
this time it was a woman.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
SHE told me, WORD for WORD,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"<i>you just need to exercise</i>."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Really?</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
She also prescribed me something, but</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
did NOT want to.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I made her.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And then I refused to take anything because</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was having anxiety about taking ANYTHING</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
foreign to me.<br />
<br />
So, needless to say, I spent about 4 more<br />
months putting my husband through hell<br />
after the birth of Lila. He was the only<br />
one who knew exactly what I was going through.<br />
Michael was the only one I wanted<i> TO KNOW</i>.<br />
<br />
And then we lost Adelynn. <br />
That is another hell in itself that you<br />
can read about in other posts...but I'm<br />
not going there today.<br />
<br />
There was no PPD after her.<br />
<i>Just plain ole' ugly grief</i>.<br />
<br />
After I gave birth to Vada, I was so<br />
consumed with focusing on EVERY minute<br />
with her...because I didn't get that with<br />
Adelynn. <br />
<br />
And I loved every single ounce of Vada.<br />
Even her high pitched screams to tell me<br />
she was hungry or had a dirty diaper was<br />
music to my ears. And trust me, sometimes<br />
her high pitched screams/cry would make<br />
people plug their ears and run. <br />
It. was. so. loud.<br />
ha!<br />
<br />
So, I honestly believe, grief in a way,<br />
helped me appreciate <i>EVERY. SINGLE. MINUTE.</i><br />
of Vada. And sometimes it was a bit much.<br />
And sometimes I would have others tell me,<br />
"you need to take a break from her..."<br />
<br />
Vada was such a joy to our family<br />
because of the tragedy we faced the<br />
year before. She would've been<br />
a joy to us even IF Adelynn would've<br />
survived. We love each of our girls very much<br />
and truly believe they ALL were/are meant<br />
to be here.<br />
<br />
<br />
Back to my recent PPD:<br />
<br />
Okay, so I have now been diagnosed with 'The Quiet Giant'.<br />
I am then ordered to go see my OB/GYN,<br />
who delivered Liv.<br />
I KNEW from past experiences that it<br />
would be VERY hard to take anything (medicine wise)<br />
because I was one of "those" mommas<br />
who thought taking medication would either:<br />
a) <i>get in my milk supply and make Liv grow a horse head</i><br />
or<br />
b) <i>not work, so why take something anyway?</i><br />
<br />
I knew better though. I researched<br />
for days. And knew that being a 'mentally and emotionally'<br />
healthy mom far outweighed the risks<br />
of medication. <br />
I knew it would be very hard to swallow that first pill.<br />
<br />
ESPECIALLY being that I was strictly breastfeeding.<br />
I always gave formula along with breastfeeding,<br />
but <i><b>THIS</b></i> time I didn't have to! I was so<br />
happy that I could give Liv breast milk only.<br />
And it was VERY hard. Breastfeeding<br />
is one of the hardest but most rewarding things<br />
I've<i> EVER</i> done in my life.<br />
And I do not regret one "let-down" of it. Ha!<br />
<br />
My doctor prescribed me medication.<br />
God. Love. Him.<br />
He also diagnosed me with PPD.<br />
<b><i>NOT</i></b> Postpartum Psychosis.<br />
He said, "Andrea, you have three children,<br />
you have horrible anxiety and you cannot do it all!<br />
This will help you so much."<br />
<br />
We tried 'situational' medication, which would<br />
help when I felt a panic attack coming on.<br />
I didn't take it. I was scared how I would feel on it.<br />
<br />
So, back to the doctor I go.<br />
He didn't want to give me something to take<br />
on a daily basis because of breastfeeding <i>BUT</i><br />
said he would give me something to take daily IF<br />
I refused to take the situational drug.<br />
<br />
And in the meantime I was still having<br />
horrible panic attacks and crying episodes<br />
and there were times I thought,<br />
"this is <i>NEVER</i> going to end!"<br />
<br />
I was starting to become very angry at myself<br />
and at my 'quiet giant' because I felt<br />
like I was missing out on Liv and my<br />
other children.<br />
<br />
I was missing those first few months of<br />
having a newborn.<br />
Children grow up so fast... especially in the<br />
beginning. You only have a small window<br />
to enjoy the sleepless nights {even though they<br />
are NOT the most enjoyable of times}, the crazy<br />
amount of diaper changes, the 'barely there' cries for<br />
food or a snuggle.<br />
<br />
I felt that I was missing out on ENJOYING<br />
my last moments with my newborn because of<br />
PPD. How was it fair that a loving<br />
mother was fighting this 'quiet giant' when<br />
all she wanted to do was enjoy EVERY minute<br />
of her new baby? Her last baby.<br />
<br />
This WAS our last baby and I knew that.<br />
I knew I needed to breath in EVERY moment<br />
with Liv and having a new baby in the house...<br />
it wasn't going to happen again.<br />
<br />
I would be <i>SO</i> angry at myself for not being able<br />
to handle myself and be "Supermom".<br />
<br />
You know, 'that mom'?<br />
Her children have done ALL of their<br />
homework and finished their nightly reading.<br />
<br />
The children are playing puzzles on the floor<br />
so sweetly without any: "She's copying what I SAY! <br />
She slapped my arm! Well, SHE won't play<br />
the puzzle right!!!"<br />
<br />
The laundry is folded AND put away<br />
(and NOT piled a mile high on her couch). <br />
<br />
She's also a work at home mom who not only<br />
schedules photo sessions on the weekends her<br />
husband was home, but she has ALL orders<br />
right AND every email, phone call returned<br />
AND she's marketing herself like crazy on the side<br />
for business.<br />
<br />
Supper is always sitting on the table nicely<br />
with the potatoes still steaming. And the new baby is just sitting<br />
in her swing, not crying, but looking around so peacefully.<br />
<br />
And 'this mom' is dressed. In <i>CLOTHES</i>, not<br />
pajamas. <i>AND</i> she has her hair washed <i>AND</i><br />
styled. Not greased back in a ponytail and hairband.<br />
<i>AND</i> she has makeup on!<br />
<br />
Yeah, she doesn't exist.<br />
<br />
Being a mom of a new baby is hard.<br />
Being a mom of two children <i>AND </i>a new baby is<br />
even harder. And if you want to try to<br />
maintain a 'clean house, dinner cooked<br />
every night AND looking presentable', you're<br />
probably going to drive yourself insane.<br />
<br />
I couldn't do it.<br />
And I felt like a failure.<br />
Don't ask me why... I just felt like<br />
a bum. A lazy bum who was at<br />
home all day who could <i>ONLY</i> tend<br />
to a new baby and no one else or nothing<br />
else.<br />
<br />
Don't get me wrong, this is what I wanted - to<br />
spend all of this beautiful time with my new daughter.<br />
But.<br />
I was having panic attacks and anxiety<br />
and crying spells and feeling so overwhelmed.<br />
All because of PPD.<br />
<br />
<br />
Hell, if my kids got to school<br />
with their teeth brushed, hair pulled<br />
back, ON TIME, it was a miracle.<br />
And even THEN, I can't take credit for that.<br />
<i>It was mostly Michael's doing</i>. !!!<br />
<br />
All in all I swallowed that first pill.<br />
After a few days on it, I had a horrible<br />
reaction to it. I do not want to go into it,<br />
but I will tell you this. My doctor said,<br />
"stop taking it immediately."<br />
<br />
We try again later, same medication,<br />
different dose.<br />
<br />
Same reaction.<br />
Seriously?!<br />
I finally get the guts to take a medication<br />
and I am having a bad reaction to it?!<br />
<br />
So, we go to ANOTHER medication.<br />
Didn't work for me.<br />
<br />
Please remember, when you start taking<br />
medications, you have to 'wean' yourself<br />
OFF when you have to switch, et cetera.<br />
You cannot just stop taking medication<br />
like that.<br />
<br />
We are looking at MONTHS of on and off<br />
again medication. In the meantime, I'm still<br />
dealing with a heavy dose of PPD.<br />
Not a good time.<br />
<br />
I am happy to say that since we have<br />
found the 'right' medication, I am doing 75% better.<br />
I do not want to say 100% because there<br />
are days that I still struggle. <br />
It is a <i>process</i> and I am continuing my<br />
therapy sessions to help this situation along.<br />
Michael can tell a difference in me,<br />
along with others that knew what<br />
I was going through.<br />
<br />
When the 'right' medication finally kicked in,<br />
there was <i>clarity</i>!<br />
And when you have clarity, you feel<br />
that your voice is a little <i>louder.</i><br />
I've become very open about<br />
what I went through and what I<br />
continue to go through. And surprisingly,<br />
I have found other moms who have/are<br />
going through the same thing.<br />
Postpartum Depression.<br />
<br />
I also found that the clearer I thought,<br />
(thank you clarity)<br />
the more decisions I could make.<br />
During this entire 'process' (and it is<br />
STILL a process) there have been<br />
decisions that I needed to make, but avoided.<br />
<br />
It became very clear to me that something<br />
needed to change with the way I was working...<br />
or trying to work with a newborn and<br />
two other children at home. <br />
<br />
Being a work at home mom has been wonderful<br />
and I absolutely love the work I do.<br />
I love the clients that have become family to me.<br />
I love being able to make my own schedule and<br />
be my own boss. I also get to be creative on<br />
so many levels. I couldn't ask for a better calling.<br />
<br />
But, there has been (for a long time) something<br />
calling me in another direction. I'm still not sure<br />
what it is... but I feel a change coming...<br />
<br />
Like I said above, the reason I am doing this<br />
is so hopefully I can help someone else.<br />
<i>I am here.</i><br />
<i>I will listen.</i><br />
<i> I will help as MUCH as I can.</i><br />
If you are reading this and you are going<br />
through PPD, I promise, you are NOT alone.<br />
And you will get through it.<br />
I know it has been <i>hell</i>... but there is<br />
a light at the end of this cold, dark,<br />
claustrophobic tunnel.<br />
<br />
And yes, I am <i>still</i> breastfeeding.<br />
But, that is my choice. I will continue<br />
to do so until Liv is ready to stop.<br />
<br />
There is so much more to my PPD.<br />
But, I think some things are better<br />
left to just Michael and I. I'm usually<br />
a VERY open person about things, but<br />
I don't have to talk about <i>every single</i><br />
<i>experience </i>we had when dealing with my PPD.<br />
I will say this though. I could not have<br />
survived without Michael. Nor could I<br />
have survived without the very few friends/family<br />
who knew about my PPD and continued to help<br />
and talk and pick up my beautiful kiddos<br />
from school, when I was having a 'bad day'.<br />
<br />
Your love, compassion, open hearts and your<br />
non-judging spirits have helped me fight my<br />
'quiet giant'.<br />
<br />
love love love,<br />
Andrea<br />
<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-25740983853323328962012-04-17T13:11:00.000-05:002012-04-17T13:11:42.407-05:00The Fabulous Fountain Family {Sneak Peek} !!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">This family is oh, so CUTE!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I loved watching Jackson and Byrnes playing together while</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">their new little sister, Caroline, watched in amazement. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">These boys LOVE their little sister.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">So, watch out future boyfriends,</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">you will definitely have your hands full</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">between big brothers and daddy! ha</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">This is the second time I've photographed this</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">beautiful family. I am amazed at how big</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Jackson and Byrnes have gotten since the last</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">time I saw them.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">I absolutely love working with this family.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">They are such a joy to work with... </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">and I am truly honored that they</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">continue to choose me to capture their sweet</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">family. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Enjoy the {Sneak Peek} Fountain Family!</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Much love to you all,</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">xoxo,</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Andrea</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3nkW7ysjm3pHYkAjZ6fGJeLvA2pC8fJtaEmbNCtgKUG3R7XpwS0wRA9Tb8wk6iXRCj9EttcOv96cm7QANt0OvKx9fRC38fwRtkKYxJW9lprfcGvX5_EIo1ZjQHuQ-TwounNodoW8-wZk/s1600/IMG_0731-ARP-JacksonByrnes1COPYRIGHT.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="425" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg3nkW7ysjm3pHYkAjZ6fGJeLvA2pC8fJtaEmbNCtgKUG3R7XpwS0wRA9Tb8wk6iXRCj9EttcOv96cm7QANt0OvKx9fRC38fwRtkKYxJW9lprfcGvX5_EIo1ZjQHuQ-TwounNodoW8-wZk/s640/IMG_0731-ARP-JacksonByrnes1COPYRIGHT.jpg" width="640" /></a></div><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHyjQzTYtoYa7Cq1TU5r4etx2VQRNPuiL4Q7PiR_3gjN-nLpy-22nHtDYZOMi6Mc8y9B8dhRInOqLMXlmXOexJ54hKw-C4CzjCx2lAN_xQd2rtNB-saZs0LBE5kA5Mp1NZ6Yr6fopvOsg/s1600/LIVCLOSEUPCR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHyjQzTYtoYa7Cq1TU5r4etx2VQRNPuiL4Q7PiR_3gjN-nLpy-22nHtDYZOMi6Mc8y9B8dhRInOqLMXlmXOexJ54hKw-C4CzjCx2lAN_xQd2rtNB-saZs0LBE5kA5Mp1NZ6Yr6fopvOsg/s640/LIVCLOSEUPCR.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br />
<br />
<br />
Livia James </div>
</div>
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October 7, 2011</div>
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7 pounds 14 ounces</div>
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20.5 inches long</div>
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<br />
Head full of black hair!Yes, she is already 5 weeks old. </div>
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And yes, that's how long it has taken me to</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
find a minute to write her birth story.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Life with three children is wonderful but</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
very busy. We are trying to enjoy every</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"newborn" minute of Liv too because before we</div>
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know it, she will be one year old.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Being that this was our fourth child, (we lost our second</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
girl, Adelynn Nicole at 39 weeks, in case some of you didn't</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
know) we thought, this baby will come WAY BEFORE our due date!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Well, little did we know Liv had a different plan. Liv</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
didn't make it to her due date... but she ALMOST did. Baby</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Liv's due date was October 10. </div>
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<br /></div>
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We chose to not find out the sex either... so we were excited</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
about having a surprise at the end of long 9 months. This</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
was the most difficult, sickest, tiring pregnancy that I ever</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
had. Of course, I was keeping up with two young girls too.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Starting at 35 weeks, I started having contractions that were</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
hurting and sometimes I had to breath through them. Um, this</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
went on until almost 40 weeks! At 37 weeks, they checked my</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
blood pressure (as usual) and it was high. Baby looked great</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and everything else did... but my blood pressure was not</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
cooperating. I was 2 cm dialated too.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Being that we wanted to have this baby with no drugs,</div>
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yes, you read that right...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
NO drugs...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My wonderful and most awesome doctor ever, let</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
me go home and labor and come back the next week.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And the next.</div>
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And the next. </div>
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<br /></div>
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At my 'almost 40' week appointment, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my blood pressure was up and my reflexes were</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
"brisk". Which can be a sign of preeclampsia. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was 3 cm dialated and SO sick. </div>
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We were ready.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My doctor suggested breaking my water the </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
next morning and keeping everything as natural as</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
possible. He sent me home and I 'thought', "no problem,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I bet I go into labor naturally tonight anyway." </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Nope. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I woke up the next morning at 5:30a.m. and</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
headed to the hospital. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
No makeup.</div>
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No cute outfit.</div>
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No "pretty" hair.</div>
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No cute shoes.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I looked like the biggest bum ever. And I didn't care.</div>
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I was ready to labor naturally and get this show on the road!</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My dearest and closest friend, Julie, drove up from</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Baton Rouge, LA and met us at the hospital...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
within minutes of us getting there. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
(Thank you Julie, you rock...)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My doula (labor coach) was waiting for the doctor</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
to break my water, then head to the hospital. I had a great support</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
team: My husband, Michael (my rock)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My sister, Nicole (who had to leave to go to work and come back</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and missed the birth by 30 MINUTES!)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My best friend, Julie (who was my other rock).</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And my doula, Carol Ann (the BEST money I've ever spent!)</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And my unforgettable nurse, Karin, who supported our</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
natural birth decision 150%!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I honestly thought, the doctor would come in and break my water and</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
VOILA!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
There's baby!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Nope. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
They broke my water at 9:15a.m. and I got up and started</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
walking the halls with Michael. My doctor wanted to give</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
me 2 hours for contractions to start and if they didn't, we would</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
have to start Pitocin (which I've had before and God help me</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was NOT putting that horrible drug in my body again, IF I could</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
help it).</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So, water is broken and I'm walking the halls and...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
9:30a.m. - nothing</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
9:45a.m. - nothing</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
10:00a.m. - nothing</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
10:30a.m. - nothing</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
10:45a.m. - nothing</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
By this point, you see the picture. My awesome nurse</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
gave me some more time before calling my doctor and my doula showed</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
up! She started acupressure to try and get labor</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
going. I swear, I think I walked 100 laps on the L&D floor.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Michael and Julie left to grab lunch before anything started happening. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Nicole had to run into work for a bit and said she would be back asap.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was happy and smiling when they left... </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and 30 minutes when they got back, </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
everything changed.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I started getting more serious and breathing through my </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
contractions. I wanted cold rags because</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I started getting hot.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
At this point, I was still walking the halls...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I started squatting with my doula and trying to "slow dance" the </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
baby down and out.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I could definitely feel a change.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I walked 2 more laps with my support team and started</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
hanging ONTO Michael because of the pain...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I started moaning.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And that's when I knew I was entering "active labor".</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I wanted to go back into the privacy of my suite because</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you wouldn't BELIEVE the looks you get from some of the other</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
women (in labor) or families (there waiting on a baby to </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
be born) when you are laboring naturally... </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and walking around...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and moaning...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
it's like they've never seen anyone labor naturally.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I went straight into my suite and labor started coming on</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
fast.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So fast, I started to get scared.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I danced with Michael some more</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
and then wanted a change.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I got on the birth ball for a while and that felt</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
wonderful!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
All of the sudden I started shaking... and I </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
got really nauseous. I was covered in hands. My doula</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
was doing acupressure and Michael was rubbing my back. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My bff, Julie, was keeping cold rags on me...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
it was wonderful the support I had.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Then I didn't know what to do. I couldn't get comfortable.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I couldn't think straight. I couldn't see straight. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was exhausted and wanted to run away from the contractions.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
During labor, they checked me (for dialation) 2 times,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
checked the baby's heart rate on the hour,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
every hour, along with monitoring my blood pressure.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Karin wanted to check me but she knew that</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I did NOT want to know how far along I was dialated.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
So, she didn't tell me. I was 7 cm, I later found out.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And after that check, I thought I was going to die. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was holding onto the side rail for dear life. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I knew I was getting close.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Then I got onto all fours on the bed. I leaned onto the head of the</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
bed and started swaying my hips. Everyone kept their positions of</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
support. Julie brought in a bucket of ice and kept cold rags in it.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Every 2 minutes, Julie would switch out rags that were on my body.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was SO hot the rags were getting to a "warm" temperature</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
while on my body.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Michael was my rock. He kept me going through that labor. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And it was the most painful labor I've ever had.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
My doula kept telling me, "what you're feeling is normal,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
you are progressing beautifully, you are getting so close, etc..."</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I was moaning so loud I knew I was probably scaring every</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
woman on the L&D floor. And then I thought, "who cares! God, please<br />
get me through this..."<br />
<br />
The last thing I remember clearly is saying, "God... Oh my God..." and<br />
my doula saying, "God is the only one who will get you through this."<br />
And boy, was she right.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I don't remember much past this point. It is like a dream to me.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I felt like I was out of my body... and what was going ON with</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
my body, I had NO control over. I just let go...</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And then I asked for drugs.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
I remember this part clearly.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Then I think I might have cried for drugs?<br />
<br />
I kept saying how scared I was of the pain that I was about to go<br />
through...<br />
My doula, Carol Ann, said, "it's not going to get more painful<br />
than this... this is as bad as it will get..."<br />
<br />
This made me feel better because I really thought I was<br />
dying.<br />
<br />
Karin checked me one more time and yet again, didn't<br />
say a word about how far along I was... later I found out<br />
I was at 8 cm. <br />
During each contraction all I could feel was pain and a horrible<br />
burning sensation going down both of my thighs. <br />
It burned so bad I thought my legs were cramping.<br />
And they probably were, but I thought they were on fire.<br />
I threw one of my legs out and started doing stretches to<br />
try and stop the burning.<br />
I had two more really good contractions and started feeling<br />
pushy at the end of them.<br />
And I thought I was going to vomit at the end of each of these contractions...<br />
so I knew I was closer.<br />
<br />
Then out of nowhere I<br />
stopped moaning,<br />
stopped feeling pain,<br />
and<br />
stopped feeling scared.<br />
<br />
I turned myself around on the bed VERY fast<br />
and quietly started<br />
bearing down.<br />
I couldn't control it at all.<br />
My body started pushing out of nowhere...<br />
which was a little bit scary, but also<br />
so incredibly awesome.<br />
<br />
I didn't do anything. <br />
My body did everything.<br />
I closed my eyes and let my body take over...<br />
and it did...<br />
the next thing I heard was,<br />
"there's the head!"<br />
<br />
And then my body gave 2 more pushes<br />
and<br />
there was Baby Reed.<br />
Karin put her on top of me,<br />
skin to skin<br />
and I felt the most incredible high of my life.<br />
<br />
I have never felt anything so amazing...<br />
I was crying,<br />
laughing,<br />
smiling,<br />
glowing,<br />
and<br />
so incredibly proud of myself.<br />
<br />
Michael said,<br />
"it's another girl!"<br />
<br />
Livia "Liv" James<br />
Born at 2:35p.m. on a beautiful October afternoon.<br />
<br />
I remember looking at him and crying,<br />
"I did it! I did it!"<br />
<br />
Liv came out in just a few pushes and honestly,<br />
the pushing felt great and didn't hurt like I had<br />
anticipated it would. Just LOTS of pressure.<br />
<br />
My doctor came in later and said,<br />
"you couldn't wait, could you?"<br />
And he laughed.<br />
My nurse, Karin, delivered Liv and my doctor<br />
thought that was hilarious.<br />
<br />
Liv stayed on me for at least 30 minutes, skin to skin,<br />
which is what we wanted. <br />
<br />
I had the birth that I always envisioned myself having.<br />
I couldn't believe I did it.<br />
No drugs.<br />
No IV.<br />
No Pitocin.<br />
<br />
It was exactly what we wanted all along...<br />
thank you God for helping me through...<br />
<br />
<br />
Moments after having Liv... skin to skin...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhChe29j6HN-pCSfwsCxmxOP_wWdU-urFelHa-0rgWOxRhs0Z0g_9dNmh9q_Qvl9rLNhgxWJzY3EB_rb6eTamkp5ce0VllvYgA3BQNt689jjsJjj-um-lfYaHi6h-Z1edBiNWh0mbv4x4w/s1600/LivBirthBWCR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhChe29j6HN-pCSfwsCxmxOP_wWdU-urFelHa-0rgWOxRhs0Z0g_9dNmh9q_Qvl9rLNhgxWJzY3EB_rb6eTamkp5ce0VllvYgA3BQNt689jjsJjj-um-lfYaHi6h-Z1edBiNWh0mbv4x4w/s640/LivBirthBWCR.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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The most awesome L&D nurse in the world... Karin.</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
She delivered Liv.</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjpurMLa-ZedH7S8nA6SjrVofGwBnO74iH7J0u29pnIyGgSTa_RtgcZo0zR3NyXEj3fKaBWNz1g4jOeWFPZyC_SZHKkJJRad0BYh-Pi1OHIvr0zlWWvn-pyrbWu1HCQxVv5uTioHhoCwE/s1600/LivBirth4CR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjpurMLa-ZedH7S8nA6SjrVofGwBnO74iH7J0u29pnIyGgSTa_RtgcZo0zR3NyXEj3fKaBWNz1g4jOeWFPZyC_SZHKkJJRad0BYh-Pi1OHIvr0zlWWvn-pyrbWu1HCQxVv5uTioHhoCwE/s640/LivBirth4CR.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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I did it!!! Still glowing...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSYNISCZ8hHF2nansguXAbW47dzWoh8ZUyCTlK93ScOWLRj4B6kudMIkAk907N0_s8CZ6WPaaKIzYBHIzXHIdQN07JlApgvrGGC4HHjEwQ2HkENOkaIM9V_FmDRwEtJCIFGplkTLpId6s/s1600/LivBirth6CR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhSYNISCZ8hHF2nansguXAbW47dzWoh8ZUyCTlK93ScOWLRj4B6kudMIkAk907N0_s8CZ6WPaaKIzYBHIzXHIdQN07JlApgvrGGC4HHjEwQ2HkENOkaIM9V_FmDRwEtJCIFGplkTLpId6s/s640/LivBirth6CR.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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So excited about the girls seeing Liv for the first time... and yes, STILL glowing! :D</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpvdbkZ6pXwIcn4DAx5ma1kOgLxgJmCiSyiI-Az5cx_nz1ca_0Ix1oltkcsLdhlbXi2UeUFwik6GUXQo5qnJGVEPMymrGMApeWPMyq-xzFRQkAvpxJ6mPCwC7-GFlGsb7WxSHVGX82_8Y/s1600/LivBirth5CR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpvdbkZ6pXwIcn4DAx5ma1kOgLxgJmCiSyiI-Az5cx_nz1ca_0Ix1oltkcsLdhlbXi2UeUFwik6GUXQo5qnJGVEPMymrGMApeWPMyq-xzFRQkAvpxJ6mPCwC7-GFlGsb7WxSHVGX82_8Y/s640/LivBirth5CR.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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All of my sweet girls...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcfvcdNRxuDilJ6SEatScj4nNbG8oqB-9A9U85p5K28ak95wg4aLjOm0oPC-MaZczHBF15sASwsjOsE5NtqXVxByIz203tAYVT5rKK-U9_aus2oZiwzkOwDoB3MYye1D1cu8m7gpWyjWI/s1600/LivBirth3CR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcfvcdNRxuDilJ6SEatScj4nNbG8oqB-9A9U85p5K28ak95wg4aLjOm0oPC-MaZczHBF15sASwsjOsE5NtqXVxByIz203tAYVT5rKK-U9_aus2oZiwzkOwDoB3MYye1D1cu8m7gpWyjWI/s640/LivBirth3CR.jpg" height="480" width="640" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
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It doesn't get any sweeter than this...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0ZjM_4BFwp0axHAuXfYljyGzIHSxHx1ExW0F0BbuFzUmKk7ywKUQmHEJrEknkfO3C5v27WezZkEJiQELeKKMDPrkDOPDDEl5hRqtxCH8wvb-0Iw75CNy4t0pKpK5japXc6TkDTGWKoao/s1600/LivCloseup2CR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0ZjM_4BFwp0axHAuXfYljyGzIHSxHx1ExW0F0BbuFzUmKk7ywKUQmHEJrEknkfO3C5v27WezZkEJiQELeKKMDPrkDOPDDEl5hRqtxCH8wvb-0Iw75CNy4t0pKpK5japXc6TkDTGWKoao/s640/LivCloseup2CR.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></div>
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My love...</div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimv-tc4DgbRmTxDNRCVaNrE02TunlmIvtNCLNf9uu5X09uY9WWo_OXj4jhYHacSPDbL0V34blIN1PJZGCfTYTo22MJAlUCKVoxlYBkFKuQLbWcm4Il-IDr9bv83Swc7wHciM-ckREtZck/s1600/LivCloseupBWsepiaCR.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEimv-tc4DgbRmTxDNRCVaNrE02TunlmIvtNCLNf9uu5X09uY9WWo_OXj4jhYHacSPDbL0V34blIN1PJZGCfTYTo22MJAlUCKVoxlYBkFKuQLbWcm4Il-IDr9bv83Swc7wHciM-ckREtZck/s640/LivCloseupBWsepiaCR.jpg" height="426" width="640" /></a></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4295108018405874400.post-57621622807469902602011-09-16T12:03:00.000-05:002011-09-16T12:03:14.342-05:00The Awesome Fontaine Family {Sneak Peek} !!!The Fontaine's are always fun to photograph! They have the most adorable girls ever. Avery, who just turned 4 LOVES being in front of the camera. Actually, all of their girls love to be in front of the camera. They are all very photogenic. I have captured the Fontaine's this entire past year. We started with Tristin's Newborn Session and now she is walking! They grow up so fast. <br />
<br />
Thank you for choosing me to capture your beautiful family! I have truly enjoyed every minute!<br />
love love love<br />
Andrea<br />
<br />
P.S. Enjoy your {Sneak Peek} !!!<br />
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I am looking forward to capturing this beautiful little girl again when she's a little bit older. Thank you for choosing me to capture Emery! She is such a sweetheart. <br />
<br />
Enjoy your {Sneak Peek}<br />
love love love<br />
Andrea<br />
<br />
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We were going to photograph him in his crib, which was decorated SO cute with monkeys and beautiful colors... but... as any Newborn Photographer knows, you NEVER know when they might be ready to, um, use the facilities. Either way, we captured beautiful images of Noah. Melodie and Josh are such sweet parents. You can see the love all over their faces... even when their changing stinky diapers. <br />
<br />
Enjoy being parents... it's the best gift in the world. <br />
Here's your {Sneak Peek}!!!<br />
Love love love<br />
Andrea<br />
<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0